Monday, June 13, 2011

Metrosexual Triathlete - Tip Of The Week

In this weeks installment of Metrosexual Triathlete - Tip Of the Week, we cover the do's and dont's of wearing sleeveless cycling jerseys and announce the winner from last week's giveaway for a Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Body Bar.  We've got a lot to cover, so let's get started.

AND it's white...what the?
SLEEVELESS CYCLING JERSEYS - DO's AND DONT's

Chances are you'll see a few guys in sleeveless cycling jerseys on your next ride.  Now, most of us are not strangers to sleeveless kit - pretty much every tri-top is constructed sans sleeves.  But racing is a totally different equation, and nothing says "I've come to kick ass" better then a well tailored sleeveless tri-top.

However, context comes in to play during training sessions.  Though the physical output of the training session may rival or even exceed the physical output of a race, the mood of training sessions should be more relaxed.  Also, when training you need to remember that you are representing all of triathlon in front of the rest of the world - a world that does not completely understand the wonders of ultra high-tech athletic apparel.  But we want to look good, and we want to make a statement.  Even throwing on a pair of your local bike shop's bibs and an old Barloworld team jersey says "insider casual".  And you KNOW it.

So let's not trap ourselves in a sleeveless jersey faux pas.  Luckily, the rules are amazingly simple:

1)  Sleeveless cycling Jerseys should only be worn when the maximum expected size of your training group is six riders or less.  Anything more than six is considered a group ride, and group rides require sleeved cycling jerseys.

2)  Sleeveless cycling jerseys should only be worn when there are no plans for any sort of mid or end of the ride stop (like coffee or breakfast), especially if the seating in said establishment is indoors.  Acceptable stops include convenience stores for bottle filling (not to exceed 10 minutes) and fast bathroom breaks.

3)  When wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey, you are required to be on a Triathlon bike.  Straight road bikes are expressly forbidden.  Road bikes with clip on aero-bars are allowed only if your next race includes at least 3000 feet of climbing per 50 miles ridden.  Said race must be within 3 months of the ride in which you are wearing the sleeveless jersey.

4)  When wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey, you must be in the aero position for at least 70% of the ride.  If you are wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey AND arm warmers, you must be in the aero position for at least 80% of the ride.

5)  Though wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey with arm hair that is a few evolutionary steps behind the rest of your body is NOT forbidden (only frowned upon), it IS forbidden to wear a sleeveless cycling jersey if your legs have not been shaved in the last 48 hours.

6)  Wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey does not give you a license to wear an aero helmet.  The only exception to this rule is when the helmet is new and requires testing.  In this case, cut a 1 inch by 1 inch piece of gaffer's tape, use a sharpie to mark the tape with a "T" and affix the tape on the left hand rear side of the helmet.  On the extremely small chance that other riders overtake you during the ride, the tape will let them know that you are in "testing mode" and no etiquette infractions will be reported.

7)  Before the ride, if you have reason to believe that one of your female training partners will be wearing a sleeveless cycling jersey, it is customary to defer the jersey exclusively to her.  Despite the amount of bicep curls and shoulder exercises you may have done in the past week, her arms simply look better.

8) When in doubt, it is ALWAYS best to defer to caution and wear a sleeved cycling jersey.  Cycling has a rich history that includes very little in the way of sleeveless cycling jerseys.  Though we are triathletes, it is important to respect the sport that makes up 80% of an Iron distance triathlon.


PAUL MITCHELL TEA TREE OIL BAR GIVEAWAY WINNER

Congratulations boys - out of 27 comments, only 3 of you managed to follow the instructions correctly - well done!  The winner is NattyBumpo!  Email me your address at 17281posse (at) gmail.com and I'll get your bar in the mail right away.

25 comments:

NattyBumpo said...

So, I guess that I will be smelling good soon. I am thinking I need to go to the Utilikilt store and get a new one anyway.... maybe swing by Macy's for a new robe.

XLMIC said...

If you are not serious enough about the sport to shave your entire metrosexual body…or wax, if you prefer…then you have no biz sporting the sleeveless look. Unless it is beyond hot and you might not survive with sleeves.

JenniferLeah said...

Well done. Def worth sharing with several guys I know :D

Kovas said...

The Road? Velominati? So many rules...

Jennifer said...

I am glad I am a woman. So many important guy-rules. Maybe there should be some remedial workshops, like Met-Sex-Tri 101?

Ironman By Thirty said...

What about #9, laundry day is tomorrow? :) haha

Love the the list.

I'M Tri-ing said...

What if I cut the sleeves off my old Megadeath "Rust in Peace" t-shirt and wear that for a ride? Am I in violation of any rules?... besides good taste. Also, where does back hair fall into the shaving equation?

TRI714 said...

Whoa, you put in some time and thought here. If I'm going sleeveless it better be because I just got this new tech jersey for said tri and or I'm doing a brick. Otherwise, I deserve to be heckled.


FAUKER, OUT !

Jeff - DangleTheCarrot said...

So glad you have taken the time to put this down for all to read. I completely agree with every rule. I may even start carrying tape with a "T" on it for people that show up at my rides with aero helmets. They can be tested the day before the race with other triathletes around.

Only dispute (possible addendum) with these rules is the 3000ft per 50mi sleeveless jersey option. Personally if you are strictly a roadie then you should not even own a sleeveless jersey. It is okay if you are also a Triathlete because Triathletes are already seen as freaking weird and this just ads to the image and they will be on a TT bike!

Dude, I even wear sleeves in the heat of the Houston summers just b/c I do not want to be in violation of any of these rules.

NattyBumpo said...

OK, so after having read the replies, I figured I should go read the rules...I'm a runner, and my bike is 13 years old and still has the OEM tires on it...so don't judge me for skipping it. I will say that, wow, y'all have a tough time with these rules. I don't think Eddy Merckx had to worry about all those rules when he was active. By the way, he is a really funny old guy with whom I have had a beer with. That is a whole different story from when I was doing work with the Motorola Cycling team in Belgium.

Caratunk Girl said...

LOL I love the meterosexual athlete.

I think I violate the rules sometimes cause when it is hot, I go sleeveless (I make sure I stay aero though, does that help?) Also I am always alone, so maybe I am allowed.

Aimee said...

Love it! Great rules! FWIW, my husband doesn't even own a sleeveless jersey!

valen said...

good to know that the metrosexual crowd have some decency about the use of the sans sleeve. (which I don't approve, he he)

I only use them on races or brick session, so I guess I'm safe.

Tri4Success said...

Don't even own a sleeveless jersey - nor do I plan to. My only sleeveless gear is a tri-suit that only gets worn on race day. The exception is when I'm doing a big brick workout but in that case I actually add a cycling jersey or tech tee over it for the appropriate segments.

ajh said...

This is a funny post but I can't get past the triathlon bike. Maybe somewhere deep in my brain I knew this existed but I don't think so. What is the difference between a triathlon bike and a road bike? There is such a steep learning curve in biking.

Austin said...

so does wearing an old race t-shirt while biking on my tri bike put me somewhere outside of these rules?

The Green Girl said...

I'll never understand why it's more important for a triathlete to be aerodynamic. Why not cyclists, too?

Heather said...

Wow. I am thinking these rules don't apply to women? Ok I am hoping. I don't own a cycling jersey!
Lately I have been tempted to wear a swim suit to even out my dorky tan lines. Where does that fall in the rules? I could put tape on my leg with a big E on it for evening.......

Tri4Success said...

@Heather:
Velominati Rule #7 states "Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp. Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed."

Tri-Living...Together said...

Well lucky for me my pink sleeveless jersey matches my pink Tri bike! Woot!! But I'm not in areo for 70%.. still working on that one!

it's all about pace said...

Preach!

well done sir.

Chris K said...

Pretty funny Patrick. Can you also post about when a runner can wear a "singlet"? I seriously cannot get myself to wear one. I think the dudes that should are if you have a truly legitimate chance to A.G. place and the race has over 1,000 runners.

Jill said...

I am never going to pass the bike rule quiz. I went to REI and got the sleeveless thingie for last week's ride - I thought I'd melt if I didn't. Is there a handbook somewhere I can download?

Tri4Success said...

@Jill: Here's your handbook: Velominati - The Rules

MehIntaor said...

Proud transgressor of the sleeveless rule...better yet, I wear a jogging tank. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! <- maniacal laughter ensues.

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